✞ My Own Words Could Never Save Me ✞
I’m such a difficult person and I hate it. I wish I could stop the way my mind thinks, but it never changes. I’m so convinced that everybody is going to leave me that I push them away first. It’s like I crave reassurance. I just want somebody to tell me they’ll never let me go, and remind me of it. I wish I could believe I’m cared about or loved.
I have some of the best friends ever and I’m so lucky to have them and I’m terrified what’s going to happen if they leave. My mind is a scary place to be, especially alone. Sometimes I just need somebody there so things don’t feel so bad.
It’s so hard because my ex was constantly there and now I don’t have that either. I feel like I have absolutely no stability in my life and everything could fall apart in a second and I could do nothing but stand and watch.
Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. I’m sick and I’m tired. I’ve been told I’m different recently and I guess it’s true, I have absolutely no clue who I am and I don’t know if I’ll ever get back to being me. And I’m not so sure I care anymore.
Anybody that can either get me to Birmingham from Southampton on the 25th, or Huddersfield from Birmingham/Southampton on the 26th gets some major cuddles and love (+ petrol money!)
It’s my 18th birthday on the 26th and I really don’t want it to suck like all my previous ones (minus my 16th) haha.